By the Way I Love Steven Seagal

Physical Plant Himself:

Poetry is for pussies, but the Professor thinks writing about things I love will help me deal with my so-called agressive impulses.





Defend Us Mr. Seagal, by Physical Plant Himself.

Defend us Mr. Seagal, student of the Japanese guy who invented Aikido.
Use the humans’ urgency against them and throw them through the window.



















Use your appendages like hammers to smash crazed Voodoo Rastafarians
(like in Marked for Death) and other evil dickheads.
Make your feet move back and forth like fervent digging tools,
sweeping the earth free of evil kitties.
Poke out their eyeballs with a two-fingered scooping motion
and then show them their own eyeballs and say something funny about it.















Mr. Seagal, you are like a giant tree with a ponytail and squinty eyes,
which kicks ass throughout the land in the name of plants’ rights and other liberal causes.
Like a giant tree, your face shows no emotion when you are ass-kicking.
When you move you look stiff and weird, in a bad-ass way.
Wrap your giant limbs around the kitties and crush them until their heads explode and cover the walls with cheap red syrup, sold in bulk quantities at a wide variety of entertainment industry wholesalers.














I love you Mr. Seagal. I don't have ears but I bet that you play guitar beautifully.


















I believe Master H.H. Penor Rinpoche’s statement that you are a “tulku,” a “reincarnation of a Buddhist master who, out of his or her compassion for the suffering of sentient beings, has vowed to take rebirth to help all beings attain enlightenment.” Except that you know sentience is a load of crap and plants matter too. You only want peace for all organisms except for the ones that suck.












I don't believe that you lied about working for the CIA in Japan and that you sexually harrassed several women and that you once dared an extra in one of your movies to try to choke you because you were impervious to that judo move and he made you pass out and you tried to sue him and you that have extensive sordid connections to the mafia and make all of your household servants bow and call you a weird name for some reason. You and Zidane are the best.

Your friend, Physical Plant.

P.S: My poetry is terrible and this makes me lethargic and depressed. I need some Steven Segal's Lightening Bolt Energy Drink. This is from a website that sells it:

Are you stuck drifting through life in a state of existential confusion wandering aimlessly through the multitudes of energy products not knowing which one is the right one for you? Then look no further for the true meaning of life then Master Sensei Seagal’s Lightning Bolt Energy Drink!

Lightning Bolt, the one and only energy drink crafted by martial arts expert and herbal specialist Steven Seagal, is the only all natural 100% juice energy drink on the market. This long lasting energy elixir is made with key ingredients from all over the globe. With a healthy dosing of Tibetan Goji Berry, Asian Cordyceps, B-Vitamins, Green Tea, Yerba Mate, Ginseng, Ginkgo Biloba, Guarana, and Policosanols, Lightning Bolt will give you the strength you need to punch your adversary’s faces through plate glass windows day in and day out!

Features:
• 100% Pure Steven Seagal Juice
• Designed for intense mortal combat or any extreme situation requiring ultimate energy
• Can has Steven Seagal’s face on it (who could ask for more!?!)

Its time for the Steven Seagal Experience! There is no telling what will happen once you get his juices inside you!